Zone of Genius

When you’re not in your zone of genius, life just kinda sucks. You feel out of it and not very smart. What is your child’s zone of genius? What do they do when they are totally and completely giddy and giggly? What would they do all on their own? Do they have a subject that they research and read on without any prompting? Do they have a passion that they do when they’re not thinking?

For my daughters it was visual art and music. My eldest would sit for hours upon hours and draw, craft, and create. My youngest would sing, write songs, make up melodies, and mash up songs. Of course they would venture off into different passions as they grew up, but they always came back to their core passion of art and music.

• How can you support your daughter’s zone of genius?
• Is her zone something you don’t think is worthy of support?
  • Why not?
• What is it about her passion that you find lacking?
  • Do you feel that she won’t be able to make any money or survive in the “adult” world if they follow their passion?
  • Is it that her passion doesn’t align with your family history (e.g., she won’t become a doctor, dentist, lawyer, etc.)?

What if you stepped back a moment and opened up to the possibility that she could become successful just by following her passion?

And here’s another question for you, what is your definition of success?

• Is it a certain dollar amount?
• Is it a certain level of social status?
• Is it the person’s level of happiness?
• What is it really?

My definition of success is that my daughters are happy [#1], financially comfortable [#2] (and this does not mean MY level of comfort, but THEIR level of comfort), and able to take care of themselves as life happens [#3].

#1 What does it mean to be happy?

I think it means to comfortable in one’s own skin. We all have our ups and downs, but if you like who you are and what you’re doing those ups and downs don’t seem to be as large. They even out so that even if you’re in a down time, you’re still relatively ok. Things could be better, but for the most part life is ok, just a bummer right now. When you’re worried about what others think of you or that you’re not meeting the expectations of others, you’re living outside of yourself and not in line with your core being.

• How do we break those expectations?
• Is there a way to get to the point where we don’t even feel them?
• What if your daughter never had those worries?

It starts with you.

Now I don’t really think that anyone ever gets 100% free of what others think or expect, but some of us are better at it than others. If we can help our daughters get closer to that 100% we can change the world with the ripple effect. We do that by letting them know that their passions are viable and good.

We help them find ways to empower those passions by going to the library, finding classes and summer camps that delve into their passion. Somewhere someone is doing something close to what they want to do. Find them. In person, in a book, or online…but FIND THEM!

Let’s take a look at #2 – financially comfortable.

What does this mean?

It means that they have enough to take care of their basic needs with some left over for general fun. Now the “some left over” could be a substantial amount for trips around the world or it could mean that they have enough to enjoy an evening out once a week. That “general fun” is up to them.

I have a good friend who has been a nomad for the last 30 years. His life is all about traveling across the United States, Canada, and Mexico on his motorcycle. He hasn’t held a “JOB” in all that time, yet he is financially comfortable. He works when he needs money for gas, food, and to fix his bike. The rest of the time he’s on the road and camping in his tent.

It is the life he LOVES and he is extremely happy with it. He is financially comfortable and successful! It is not the success that most people would aspire to, but it is HIS success. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face and LOVES his adventures. He is in his zone of genius when he’s wrenching on bikes and writing about his adventures for motorcycle magazines.

Now for #3 – the ability to take care of themselves.

This means that they have to try and take care of themselves little by little when they’re in their teenage years. Let them learn how to pay bills.

My eldest daughter wanted a cell phone when she was 15 and I’m a little old fashioned so I told her that if she wanted it, she needed to pay for it. I had watched many parents get their teenager a cell phone only to get the big surprise of a $600 phone bill! Because Sondra paid her own bill, she noticed what things cost and more than once I overheard her say to her friends, “I am running low on minutes, I need to get off.” (not as an excuse to get off the phone with me, her mom 😛 hehe)

This also means that they need to know how to take care of themselves emotionally. This is definitely where parents come into the picture. If we’re there for them and guide them as they go through the trials and tribulations of teenage-hood, they will have a better grasp on how to navigate adulthood.

If you give them the safe space to work out their issues with your guidance, not only will they be better prepared for life…YOU will have the confidence that they can make it! You will have less concern as they talk to you about their crazy lives, because you KNOW they have the experience of thinking things through and making decisions.

You KNOW this because you worked with her on previous decisions and you’ve seen the way she works. You’ve watch her process intimately and you’ve been able to help her adjust that process over the years. You’ve watched her make better and better decisions throughout her teenage years and have the confidence that she has the best skill possible.

THIS was my ultimate goal for my daughters and this is where I live emotionally around them now.

My eldest bought a new car while starting her own business and requested that I co-sign for her as she’s still working on building her credit. We sat down and discussed her budget and she had thought of everything, so I was willing to help her out.

I have to say that I was skeptical because I didn’t know where the payments were going to be coming from at first, but she had everything lined up and all I had to do was sign. I was able to fully trust that she knew what she was getting into and that she felt that she had the ability to maintain her payments and other financial obligations.

Share how you are helping your daughter to become truly happy, financially comfortable, and be able to take care of herself when she makes the transition to adulthood in the comments below.

Here’s to raising Bad Ass Daughters!